Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
