a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
