What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
