Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
