6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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