I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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