Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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