Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
