her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There r osticjed everywhere
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
