just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize