yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
