I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
