She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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