i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
