He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
