gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
