I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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