she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
