what if every blade of grass was a penis?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
