Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
