1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
