Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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