cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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