How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
