We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
