she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
