I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
