Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
