if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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