Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
