boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
