you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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