hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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