she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
