Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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