Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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