this just has baby written all over it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
