He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am available for nakedness
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
