It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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