So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
