I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
