Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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