i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
