It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize