i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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