I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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