He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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