In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
