Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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