I faked an abortion last night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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