I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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