The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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