Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
