I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
