thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
