we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
