I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
