K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
