Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
