I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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