So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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