Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
