maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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