So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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