so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
