He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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