When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish my penis had a tongue
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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