I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
