I just threw up on my dentist
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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