I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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