You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
