I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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