Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize