If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
