If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
