fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
