It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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