it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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