yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
