Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize