Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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