Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
